Friday, October 21, 2005

Tonight, we went to Martha and Michael's house. It was so great to hang out with them again. We, of course, showed them all of our pictures and told them all about our visit to COTP. Scott and I had a bit of a tense moment when he said that he had been worried about Noah all week. Apparently, he was still having some second thoughts about the adoption, but he hadn't mentioned anything to me. I hated feeling like he wasn't talking to me about things. On the way home, we talked about it some more. And then we talked about it even MORE when we got home that night. It was a tough conversation, but one that we needed to have. I guess we just needed to talk about the fact that we're still afraid, but that we really feel like this is what God has planned for us. Scott said that he feels like this might be an answer to prayer because he has often prayed that he wants to make his family top priority and he feels like having a special needs child will almost force that to happen. I also feel like this may help me feel able to give unconditional love. I so want to be a less selfish person - I want to feel love and know that it's not there because of what I can GET from it. Of course, I love all my kids unconditionally, but it may challenge me more if I can't get that instant connection with Noah that I've had with my other kids. I just know that Noah is going to bless us in so many ways. We just have to wait and see what God has planned. After we talked, we both felt so much better and we felt a renewed commitment to follow God wherever he leads.


Post a Comment

<< Home