Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Well, I didn't get much sleep last night. For some reason, I was feeling freaked out (for the second night in a row, but tonight was worse). I didn't even head up to bed until 12:30 because I just wasn't tired earlier. And then, Sota was running around and acting weird upstairs, so I called him down and made him walk back up with me. When I walked into my room, I thought I heard a noise coming from over by Scott's side of the bathroom. I looked over there and the door to his closet was closed, which I know I didn't do. Then, I looked at the bed and my pillow was in the middle of my bed. Of course, I reasoned that the kids must have done both of these things while I was in the shower and I just hadn't noticed it earlier, but reason was not really ruling my brain. I was really freaked out and didn't want to even get undressed for bed. I just climbed in bed with all of my clothes on (I decided that all of the clothes I was wearing needed to be washed anyway, so what the heck). I lay there, stiffly, with my glasses still on, the phone in my hand and the light on it's lowest setting. I kept thinking I should just go check the closet because then I could actually rest, but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I told myself that if anyone were in the closet, I would surely hear the door open before they could come out and kill me. Well, I was just dangling on the edge of sleep when I woke suddenly to the sound of a creaking door and then a thump. I was sure that this was the sound of one of our doors, but Sota was right next to me in bed and the kids were both sleeping. I couldn't imagine that one of the doors had suddenly decided to open on their own. Panicked, I turned the light on it's highest setting and leaned over to where I could see the closet door. It was still closed. I lay there, trying to convince myself that the sound that I had heard had just been part of an "almost asleep" dream. I heard a noise from Jaden's room and knew that it was just him turning over in his bed, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to check for someone in the house. Earlier in the day, when I had been at playgroup, Martha and Marcia both were talking about how when they're home alone, they feel compelled to check all the rooms, closets, etc. I'm sure that hearing them say that put the idea that I had to do that in my head. Anyway, it was now 2 AM and I knew that I was not getting any sleep until I could reassure myself. I made Sota get up with me and I went first into Jaden's room, then into Danielle's. It took me more courage to go into the kids' bathroom, the spare bedroom and then, finally Scott's closet. I knew it was silly, but I just couldn't help it. I was so scared that I was actually shaking. I couldn't believe how freaked out I was. I finally left the hall light on and went back to bed. I was finally able to turn off my bedroom light and take off my glasses. I think I fell asleep a bit before 3 AM. Ugh!

This morning, Danielle actually woke up first (which is very unusual) at 6:15. Jaden didn't get up until about 6:45. Then, he climbed in bed with me and I went and got Danielle and brought her into bed with us. It was actually really nice because they were both being snuggly instead of being antsy like they usually are when they get into bed with me.

After I fed the kids breakfast, I laid on the couch for a little while while Jaden played his computer game and Danielle played in the family room. Then I put Danielle down for her nap, put in Toy Story for Jaden, and laid down in bed for about a half hour. Unfortunately, Deb called at 9:30 and I had to go do a little bit of Encapsolution work. Once I was down here, Jaden wanted my attention and I decided that it didn't make sense to try to lay down again.

When I got Danielle up from her nap, she did one of the typically cute things that she does lately. She absolutely loves all of her stuffed animals, and she always wants to take them all with her. I always put a little blanket and a few stuffed animals in bed with her because she likes to hug them. Well, when I get her up out of bed, she often wants to take everything with her. She loads me up with stuffed animals and blankets so that I'll carry them downstairs for her. Sometimes this can make actually carrying her quite a challenge. She is so cute with those stuffed animals, though, I just can't resist. She is always hugging them and giving them kisses. It's really adorable. She often walks around with three stuffed animals in her arms. And she recently got this huge bear from next door - it's bigger than her, but she still manages to carry it around. She is so cute when she climbs on him to hug him. I definitely have to get a picture of that.

I decided not to go to class tonight because I just thought that I would be too exhausted. The thought of driving home at 9:30 at night just seemed unbearable. Of course, I was then wide awake tonight, even though I should have been sleeping like a log. Scott called at 12:30 because he had done an Encapsolution thing and wanted me to test it. He was all apologetic because he said I should have been sleeping, but I assured him that I had just been lying in bed, wishing I could sleep. I finally fell asleep at around 2 AM. (At least I wasn't freaked out, though).


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